What Do You Even DO?
But like...for real how do you make money?
This weekend I attended a wedding in my hometown. It’s actually the second wedding I’ve been to in the mid-sized Florida college city in the past few years, but the last one was the wedding of another friend who moved away to the big city1 to pursue a career in entertainment2.
At that wedding, there were certainly attendees who went to our high school or performed with us at the local community theater decades ago, but most of them were people I’d seen fairly recently or at least follow on instagram.
This time, due to a few odd twists of fate, I saw people I haven’t seen in literally twenty-plus years. See, the bride is one of my best friends, but she moved back to our hometown years ago and many of her adult friends are people we knew growing up, but with whom I have completely lost touch.
Her new husband didn’t grow up with us, but he’s lived there since college and got hooked into the local community of musicians…many of whom played with my older brother for years. I’ve spent weekends at the lake and gone on youth group retreats with these people. We dated each other’s friends and went to prom together and harbored unrequited crushes.
Then I moved away for college and have never seen them again.
It’s weird. And kind of beautiful? But WEIRD.
Especially since I have no idea how to answer the question ‘What do you do?’
You’d think I’d be better at this, given that part of my job is to guide my clients through these very questions. We frequently talk about going home to visit family that doesn’t understand or is unsupportive. We strategize how to explain to normie friends that yes, liking and subscribing to our online content or giving $2 to our crowdfund campaign is actually very helpful. But apparently I am just as clueless as everybody else.
And the truth is…it’s confusing! I don’t have a pat answer BECAUSE THERE ISN’T ONE. In today’s entertainment industry—and working world more broadly—we are all facing increasing pressure to become multi-hyphenates.
I have wholeheartedly embraced this lifestyle, although I do remember a time when I complained about it ad nauseum. Why can’t I just be an actor? I would whine obnoxiously. Why do I have to write my own script and produce my own film and be my own cinematographer and editor every time I get a self-tape audition request? Why am I acting as my own agent, manager, assistant, PR rep and social media manager? Can’t I just do the thing I’m meant to do? Can’t I just focus on the art, man?
Well, as it turns out, I’m meant to do ALL those things—although certainly I enjoy some more than others. They’ve led me to interesting places and opportunities and I fully embrace being a multi-multi-hyphenate…it’s even part of my branding! To be fair, my low-support-needs ADHD means I revel in novelty, am obsessed with learning new skills, and have an ability to hyperfocus on the task at hand. These are all valuable assets to my cobbled-together career trajectory.
But they don’t help me explain it in 30 seconds at a wedding reception to people who remember me heading off to get a BFA in Musical Theater from NYU.3
Are you still acting?
I mean…kind of? I have an agent and I do auditions when I get them, but covid, two strikes, and the end of the streaming boom have really done a number on the industry, especially in LA. So like…no, I’m not really acting (except when I am) but don’t feel bad about it, please! Really, I’m fine with it! Please believe that I’m fine and don’t pity me.
Are you still doing music?
Oh yeah! I mean, I’m in two choral groups, and one is more traditional and the other is super cool and has big-time indie street cred. Or, like…we used to? But then covid, and leadership changes and we’re still figuring out exactly who we are. I’m in kind of in charge now, but I don’t have a distinct title, so I can’t really explain what I do except that it’s a little bit of everything and I don’t do it alone and it takes up a lot of my time and energy. Anyway, I swear we used to be cool! Bon Iver and Tegan and Sara gave us songs! We sang on “I Just Had Sex” and “MacGruber!” Oh shit, now I sound name-droppy, this is going badly, ABORT ABORT!
Where do you live?
Oh, I own a house in Pasadena.
*DOUBLE TAKE* So what do you…do do?
I work for a composer and also I’m a life and career coach for creatives and also I sometimes sing in churches for money and also I write this substack and also sometimes I direct film things (and sometimes they win awards) and also sometimes I’m a podcaster and also sometimes I edit things for people and also sometimes I’m an audio engineer and also sometimes I’m a session singer and also I write films and tv pilots and also I’m in this Fringe Festival show and also and also and also… Oh god I’ve been talking way too long but I don’t know how to stop and I’m sure I’m forgetting something very important…
Oh yeah! And also I wrote a novel.
If you aren’t exhausted with me after all that, know that I am exhausted with myself. I judge myself for being too boastful and dropping too many names. I judge myself for not being confident enough and downplaying my accomplishments. I judge myself for not just having one big thing I can talk about that people will understand. And let’s be honest…I would love to sound more impressive. I would love to have sold my novel by the next time I come home and run into some random classmate at the grocery store. That would be amazing.
But it’s okay if I haven’t.
It’s okay to have a complicated work life and a complicated answer. It’s also okay to just let it be. Not everyone needs to understand everything I do. Not everyone needs to be impressed with me. And what I do to make money may not define me (or you!) as a person and a creative.
The truth is, whether you’re a multi-multi-multi-multi-hyphenate or an ER nurse, life is complicated and messy. Accomplishment is going to look different for everyone. To some people back home, just the fact that I have survived the cities of New York and Los Angeles for almost two decades (don’t do the math) is impressive. To others, the fact that I am childless and have twelve different income streams is something deserving of pity.
And most importantly, nobody is actually thinking about me all that much!
They’re thinking about their own stuff! Some of them might even be drawing their own self-effacing comparisons. Some of them wish they lived out west and feel stuck back at home. Some of them have similarly complicated work lives. Some are in a band and trying to make it happen, but also have another job or ten and holy shit do I get that.
But what I need to remember—and maybe you do to—is that I don’t judge anyone for having a life that is different from mine. So why should I think they’re judging me?
One of the brand-new-to-me folks I connected with (over long hours spent setting up for this beautifully community-oriented DIY shindig) is a mother of two who works in admin at the local university and just applied for a doctoral program because she’s about to max out her upward career mobility without that particular degree. I cannot imagine a more clear and prescribed path to career advancement. And I can’t really relate to the experience of having human children4 (although I try to treat all parents in my life with respect and grace and take an interest in their children).
Guess what? IT DIDN’T MATTER. I thought she was cool, she thought I was cool. Isn’t that all it really takes to connect with someone?
I know some of you have more challenging situations in your lives back home—whether that’s across the country or across town. You might have families that pressure you to ‘get a real job’ or ‘leave that godless liberal hellscape’ or ask invasive questions about your finances and family planning. I’m aware that I’m somewhat insulated by the dual privileges of a) having supportive family and friends and b) having outward markers of success in my personal life.5
But none of that—not my wildly twisting and turning career path, not my marriage or mortgage or income, not my ability or desire to have children—makes me more or less valuable as a human being.
Yeah, I have a billion jobs and they’re hard to define. Oh well! Maybe you haven’t found your person yet (or don’t want to!) and live in a house with five roommates. Who cares?
Are you happy?6 Are you pursuing your passion and living with integrity? Are you kind to those around you? Are you part of a community you care about? Are you holding true to your values? Then guess what…YOU’RE GOOD!7
You don’t need validation from whatever your version of “the people back home” is. You are enough. You are worthy. You are important.
So is everyone else.
Thanks for reading my journal entry. Lately I’ve been finding that sharing these more personal anecdotes makes me (and hopefully you!) feel less alone. That said, let me know in the comments if there are any classic coaching topics you’re hungry for (goal setting strategies, accountability tricks, time management).
Now that I’ve worked through my feelings about this past weekend, I’m going to spend the rest of this flight working on my novel, because it’s okay to accept where I am in life AND ALSO to want so much more. ;-)
<3
E
New York, not LA
Broadway, not film & TV
Fuck NYU tho for real. FREE SPEECH FOR STUDENTS!
My only child is Shae the Dog and she is A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL
I’m married and own a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood, so I can’t be doing that badly.
Mostly content, most of time
And if you’re missing any of these things, you’re STILL good and can work toward greater fulfillment!