Just Say No
...to overextending yourself, kids! Be safe out there.
Well hello! I’ve taken a bit of an unexpected hiatus from Substack due to life/work/health/deadlines/neurodivergence. It’s been a different reason each week! Just a cornucopia1 of delays! So perhaps it’s fitting that this week I’m going to talk about SAYING NO.
Look, I’m as big a fan of Shonda’s Year of Yes as the next life coach, BUT (as my clients hear me harp about ad nauseam) I believe in balance in all things.2
And I am in a moment of NO.
No, I cannot take on extra freelance gigs. No, I cannot go to that concert. No, I cannot edit that video that I’ve been sitting on for months. Frankly, it’s amazing that I’m even writing to you at all, but I feel moved to share this with you…briefly. And with zero custom graphics!
Sometimes you have to say NO to say YES.
For months I’ve been saying ‘not yet’ to the work that I am most passionate about. And I’m over it. Have you ever just been sick of your own shit?
So, I’m harnessing my hyperfocus (my favorite part of my mid-to-mild ADHD!) and entering a season of sacrifice.
I’m not sacrificing EVERYTHING. I still intend to sleep. And see friends. Fulfill my commitments. Maybe do a few fun things. But I know I need a large chunk of uninterrupted time every day to the do the work of my heart. Which, for me, is getting my first novel out into the world.3
Luckily—or unluckily for past me—I can steal some of that time back from Instagram! I can also grab some from spending too many hours shopping online for the perfect secondhand bag/jeans/shoes/etc.4 But it also has to come from giving a little less to the many, MANY other commitments I tend to fill myself up on. If my frothy little romance is dessert, it’s time to eat dessert first!
Today a client of mine was dealing with an adjacent struggle. He came into our session feeling like life just keeps throwing unexpected shit at him and he can’t get a handle on it. Some good, some annoying, some just straight BAD, but none of it predictable and all of it blowing him off his charted course.
Here’s the thing…sometimes it can’t be helped. We can’t just say ‘fuck you’ to the job that pays our rent or to our agents (most of the time) or to our bodies when they’re crying out for help or to the thousand little annoyances of modern life—problems with health insurance, business licenses, car registration, taxes, or whatever other menial-but-very-important paperwork you can dream up!
But we can simplify. We can take back a tiny bit of control by defaulting to NO. Start with no, then convince me that it’s a yes. The moment when you are drowning is not the time to try to rescue everyone else. Put on your own oxygen mask first is a cliche for a reason!
We can also acknowledge that this is not forever. This is a season. It will end and a new season will begin. We just have to get through it. Sometimes that acknowledgement is enough. Just knowing that the end is in sight can help us keep going.
So, whether you are aiming for a singular goal, feeling overwhelmed by a big project, or metaphorically bleeding out from a million tiny papercuts, maybe take a week or two and JUST SAY NO.
You might find that you’re saying yes to everything that really matters.
<3
E
SEASONAL REFERENCE
Here’s your constant reminder: balance is not a static state but making a series of adjustments when you feel yourself leaning too far one way or the other!
But first into the hands of agents and then editors and THEN the world!
My clothes don’t fit, but Poshmark and TheRealReal take TIME, y’all!